Under My Thaum
In which Howell, Pieter, Kallorek, and Marwyn accidentally on purpose slaughter three Bluecoats, and turn Howell into stone. Session recording is here. What Marwyn Saw After the last bar was exploded, we finally found an old abandoned library in Old Town. I have been spending a lot of time cleaning and dusting and making my room very pretty. The others wanted to throw out some of the homeless people that were in the library, but then I told them I wanted to make them into spies for our Informant Network and then they let me train them. They are not very easily trained. Howell sat us all down in the main hall at a table which is slightly wobbly. I will remember to fix this. There are gashes in it which I'm not sure what happened there but it seems like it was bad. Pieter is sitting at Howell's right, which is normal, but then there is this red-bearded human man that I haven't met before. His name is Kallorek and it is difficult to pronounce. Kallorek's favorite color He used to have a favorite color and it used to be red and now he doesn't have a favorite color and that is scary and I don't quite know how to deal with that. He actually said that he doesn't have a favorite color and just wants to drink. He doesn't have a favorite color. Also he said I should die then I wouldn't have one either. But my favorite color would always be lavender. My dagger is pretty sharp, right? If it went up close to his throat would he actually tell me his real favorite color? Only crazy people don't tell you what their favorite color is... everyone has one. Even people who don't know what their favorite color is know what they want to list, right? Yeah, yeah. My dagger is pretty sharp. Then he said, "Let's just go with red." He seems nice. Howell needs glasses Apparently Howell was in the Feywild which has magical elves in it. He apparently took a bite of a muffin, which doesn't seem like he is very smart, and then he turned into a fey. And then they were apparently stuck in the Feywild and then Howell made a deal with a fey at a "level 35" named Sarissa so that she would take them home, and she asked Howell to find her glasses, made by the Mad Baron Thaum. So today we are going to get the glasses. Also perhaps Thaum, who has a bounty of 10,000 gold pieces on his head. Pieter buys a wig Howell and I buy healing potions (from Burk's Poshuns) and holy water. We head to a wig seller and Pieter commissions a bright blue wig two inches below his shoulders. It is very blue, and somewhat clashes with his skin tone. I'm rather confused as to why he needs a bright blue wig, but I think I like it. It is blue. The wig seller's name is Danetha, and her favorite color is cinnamon. I like this color. Her favorite wig she's ever made is a gorgeous curly wig of cinnamon. We kill three Bluecoats We start skipping toward The Spires, to the official entrance of the Lost District. Well, I skip. There is tall metal walls that are about 30 feet tall, and Bluecoats are there. I wanted to climb the wall up to the Lost District, but Pieter needed to sashay over to the Bluecoats that are at the guardhouse. Well, actually, he ran up to them. "Officers, officers! It's terrible! There's a fight going on that alley!" I grab Kallorek by the throat because it seems like the thing to do. The Bluecoats come up and then all of a sudden Pieter kills one of the three guards. Its corpse starts smoking. As the other two guards turn to each other, I throw two of my daggers from my flying bracer and the other one falls. Howell decapitates the last guard. They are carrying 3 gold pieces. Pieter says we killed them so that we can have uniforms and sneak into the Lost District. Pieter's sword makes weird noises, "scintillating cinders sparkling splendidly." As we try to push one of the guards into the trash cans, the raccoon we hurt way back . There are crossbows and cudgels. Then as we're getting ready and getting dressed in the guard uniforms, and Kallorek starts figuring out how we can lie our way past the guards, and Kallorek and Howell are talking about how honesty is always the best possibility, and then as we're talking about the plan I realize that this plan doesn't make any sense. The Secret Entrance into the Lost District We follow me to the proper entrance, the secret entrance, into the Lost District. We are all kind of in shock a little bit at having killed three Bluecoats so very quickly. The Lost District is kind of honestly falling apart. There's roaring and screaming as we approach, which is pretty cool. Pieter and I snuck ahead to see what was up there. We saw multiple large cow/warthog things with red fur, tusks, and a tail with a wrecking ball. Kallorek and Howell kind of waited behind. What is it like to not be the sneakiest? There are small humanoids with cloaks or robes, and bones attached to the hood, squatting and digging. The Crimson Tower, when we finally get up to it, is kind of like the stone is warping, almost like it's alive. It is pretty crazy. Kallorek tells us we have to knock maybe once or twice, then break the door down. This seems reasonable. We all walk forward to the massive doors, and I of course have my bow out. There is a brief glimpse of a small bright yellow eye, before Howell ponds the iron ring on the demon mouth. After a loud echo, Kallorek pats him on the back and pounds down the door with his axe. Slaads Attack It is a red stone foyer, with a rectangle of sunlight coming in. There is no dust, though I feel like there should be. Kallorek says they clean. Pieter's sword starts saying "Pieter, Pieter, Pumpkin Eater" because Pieter wants us to be quiet. There's warmth as we walk and I pull out my sword for light. There's sets of stairs and Kallorek made an axe mark, which is a good idea. I taught them Roman numerals, because they don't seem to be able to count. As we start climbing up the stairs (we didn't go down), there's a large circle with 10 smaller circles around it, a quite pretty diagram. It is a little creepy. On the second floor, we get to a large stony room. There's a fountain in the center, with twisting organic shapes and rivulets. Kallorek stuck his crowbar in. Something shadowy started falling toward him. A large black frog humanoid with black spikes and black skin and black teeth attacked him but I hit him first! We fought, and Kallorek fell down—this is what comes of having to think so long of his favorite color. I did get the death blow though, so that was cool. I got to jump up and kill the thing deadest. Field Surgery We ran around and kind of took care of each other—I gave Kallorek a Potion of Healing, then used my dagger to try and get the egg out of Pieter's shoulder. I hurt him pretty badly, but then he wanted me to try again so I got it out with my claw. Pieter is pretty out of it, and we notice that blood is running up and into the fountain, which is both super weird and pretty cool. Howell cracked the skull of the smaller Slaads and he found two ruby gems the size of a child's fist, and in the big Slaad's head was a smoky black diamond the size of a grapefruit. I harvested five teeth off the big Slaad and stowed them in my handkerchief, even though they smell like rotting seafood. Paralysis There is a red glow coming down the steps as we finish this, and Kallorek and Pieter run as soon as they see the light. It's a round skull with one eye socket and ten small lights dancing around its head. They are all red. It is about five feet in diameter. It says, "I have guests." It has a funny deep voice. "Do you have the glasses?" Howell asked. I tried to get Insightful Fighting on it but I failed to do it. It turned Howell to stone because I guess it didn't like it's question. It's probably not a good idea to ask it its favorite color. I ran. There is a horrible laughter coming from behind me, even as I run down the stairs and out the door. I'm pretty sure that was Thaum, the Mad Baron. Slaad Encounter After the Session Howell is definitely not dead. Ray seems to not be stone.